We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
