Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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