no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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