would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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