i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
