I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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