I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize