So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
