i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
