Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
