I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
