We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
