apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
