Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
