No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
