Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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