i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
