Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
