saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize