Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
