You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
