I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
