Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
