I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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