She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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