STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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