Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
