It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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