I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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