You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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