I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
