similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
