You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
