Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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