xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
