Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
