omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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