Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
