The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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