He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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