Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
