just tell him i said nine months
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we should paint friendship bongs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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