Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
