I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
