i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
