Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
