Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
