i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
