Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
