Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
