oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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