he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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