just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
