all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
