Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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