you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
