i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
