just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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