he was CRYING into my vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
