As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
