so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
