Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
