Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
