I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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