I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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