Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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