I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
