I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
