I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
