The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
